New start is not the word for it.

Here it is here in December. I have started to decorate for the holidays but I am just not into it. I have been having alot of trouble getting into the mood. It is the time of year, that all of my friend's birthdays are starting to fall into place.

My last post was a just glimpse into what it was like when I was with my ex. Althrough out April and May, he continued to tell me that he was leaving, on a fairly regular basis and finally one night I had said, you are right. You are leaving, you need to get out. He had moved into my house, with his daughter and his dog, and fish. Well he took his daughter and that was it.

One of my best friends and I had been having huge amounts of problems. Both personally and collectively. We were both having difficulties with our relationships with one another and our men. Well, my man was having a problem with the fact that I was friends with her. It was in late May, that my ex and I were watching the news, and my best friends husband had been arrested. I can't even begin to tell you the emotions that I had that night. I wanted to call her, I wanted to drive down there, and just let her fall apart, and it would all be ok. My ex "gave" me permission<----Not sure how that was acceptable, in my eyes. But he had told me to call her and talk to her and see how she was doing. Throughout the course of the week, I did do that. I had called and talked to her and we had both talked about alot of things. He encouraged the fact that I start to build a relationship again with her because she needed me. As I needed her. That friday, my ex was scheduled for surgery on his eyes, which I paid for. After his surgery, he had told me to go down and see my friend because she needed me. So I did just that. I brought him home from the surgery, and got him settled into bed, and got him everything that he needed, and I headed down to see my friend. I was down at her house until about 12:30. I came home and hopped into bed and snuggled in next to my ex, and we talked for a little while, and then we fell asleep. I woke up about 8:30 the following morning, and came down stairs looking for note or something. ....... I didn't find anything. I called him....Oh God! I have goosebumps now.... I still remember his words. I am moving out. He came back and got some more of this stuff, and that was the last I had basically heard from him. UNTIL he got SERVED. YES! He left me with almost 10,000 worth of debt, so I SUED HIM.... AND WON.

My friend and I continue to have our days that we have issues, but I think we are willing to overlook alot of things because we have been through so much. It has been alot that we have gone through in a very short amount of time that we have been friends. I have an email that she wrote me about this time last year, and I still have it saved, There are so many things that make sense there, and everywhere. But like I said we will continue to have our struggles. But I guess that comes with any relationship, not just lovers, and or best friends. YOU KNOW.

The holidays are here, and since my ex left, the house had been really empty. I decided that I was going to become a foster parent. I have a little boy now. He will be leaving to return to his family in about a week. That will be a bitter sweet ending. I am planning on becoming a foster parent again. There are a group of siblings that I am looking into fostering. I have picked up a few little things so that they have something to play with when they come here. I am excited.... I wish they would be here for christmas. I know they will be here for next Christmas which is going to be awesome. Yes.... I really like being a mom. ..... AND JUST BECAUSE I DID NOT GIVE BIRTH TO THEM DOES NOT MAKE ME LESS OF A PERSON, or A MOM. These siblings dont have a MOM. AND WANT ONE. Its really late and I need to get up for work in the morning so I better get some shuteye.